Thursday, October 02, 2008
Must I Revisit My Stance my Parent-Oriented Magazine
In the comments to the Working Dad post that linked to the why-moms-should-not-be-afraid-of-good-dads piece in Parenting, someone noted that the magazine no longer shouts "What Matters to Moms" on the cover. And -- from what I can see -- the word "mom" doesn't appear at all on the cover. Are we making progress?
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Voices from the Past
Though I am genuinely interested in seeing what Lisa Belkin has to say, her reappearance on the parenting scene made me think back to other writers who were subjected to much eye-rolling around here. Like Caitlin Flanagan.
I honestly have not heard her name mentioned in a year, so I did some Googling. She's been sporadically writing book reviews for the Atlantic -- nice enough pieces, but nothing particularly enraging. But her tagline suggests that she'll get at least one opportunity to drive us all nuts: "She is at work on Girl Land, a book about the emotional life of pubescent girls."
Given how badly she managed to misunderstand parenting, anyone have any faith that she'll nail the subject of pubescent girls? (For a sneak peak, see Salon's take from January.)
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Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Welcome to the Blogosphere, Lisa Belkin
Though I have taken issue with some of her reporting in the past (can anyone say "Opt-Out Revolution"?), Lisa Belkin has been -- at the least -- someone who has been consistently interested in the nuances for parenting, so I'm curious to see how her new blog, Motherlode, plays out.
And, to her credit, she has said to me privately and on the blog today that the blog's title should be seen as cute play on words, not as a veiled statement of a moms-only approach to parenting.
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Monday, September 29, 2008
Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Involved Fatherhood
Via Working Dad comes a Parenting magazine story that -- gasp -- doesn't make me fear for the future of humanity: a piece on why moms sometimes feel threatened by involved fathers and why such inter-parent competition doesn't do anyone any good.
Now I am on record as believing quite firmly that we do not have some sort of epidemic of gung-ho fathers crowding mom out of the picture ("momblocking," as the term of art has it), and I am not sure that families in which super-active fathers really deserve much pity (or even much attention). But given the absolutely pitiful record of mainstream parenting publications have of even acknowledging that half of the parents in this country are men, this piece makes me believe for a moment that they're turning a corner in understanding the role that modern fathers are playing.
The story gets extra bonus points for noticing the 250 percent rise in time dads spend with the kids over the past 30 years. (And additional bonus points for noticing that we still have a ways to go). But I have to give demerits for, um, writing from a completely mom-centric view of the world. And for serving ads for the asinine "moms like me" social network.
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Monday, September 22, 2008
Welcome to Stepford
Sometimes, I'm sad that marketer basically ignore fathers as people who play a key role in family life (and purchasing decisions). And, sometimes, I'm thrilled that men are spared unspeakably silly marketing designed to make household chores seem hip or fun or special. (If Free to Be You and Me has failed in any way, it's that we must still suffer through ads for "detergent or soap or cleanser or cleaner or powder or paste or wax or bleach.")
This week -- via an ad on parenthacks --I learned about Samsung's "Moms Like Me" social network. It's a plain-vanilla social network (there are plenty for dads, if you're interested), but the glue that supposedly holds this group together is ... wait for it ... "life, laundry and the pursuit of cleanliness." This is a social network that defines themselves around what laundry says a person. It is deeply, deeply frightening.
There is also the disturbing fact that this is a gendered effort, designed to be causally moms-only. This sexism would be more offensive if they were excluding guys from something potentially worthwhile, but I'm in no particularly rush to bust down the doors. (As an aside, the most active forum on the site is an extended discussion -- titled "Samsung really needs to get with the times with its sexist attitude" -- that was kicked off by a guy.)
Amazingly, the bizarre Samsung site means that LG takes second place is in the weird-and-sexist washer/drier marketing campaign contest. That effort comes with the tag line "A woman has needs. And right now, I need this wild cherry steam thing." Seriously.
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Monday, September 08, 2008
You've Come a Long Way, Daddy
Every once in a while, when I am despairing about the way dads are portrayed in the mass media, I am reminded of how much worse it used to be. Today's example comes from Sweet Juniper, who pulls out a '70s era book about how dad fares with the boy when mom goes on a trip. It's really worth the click (as is SJ's commentary).
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Friday, September 05, 2008
Massachusetts Re-Evaluates a Silly, Sexist Policy
Via WSJ's Juggle comes word that Massachusetts is looking at how it enforces a law that guarantees new moms 8 weeks of unpaid maternity leave (yes, FMLA offers more leave, but you have to be working someplace with more than 50 workers). Amazingly, the law is gender-specific: only women get the protection of this law.
Now, the state is apparently considering investigating complaints from men under the law. This is, of course, good news, but it amazes me that a legislature -- particularly one in as progressive a state as Massachusetts -- would have this kind of mom-only law in the first place. Trust me, a lot of us need the time ...
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Thursday, September 04, 2008
Back to the Past
According to the Daily Mail (UK), what men really want is demure housewives and what women really want is big strong guys to provide for them. Or so the paper would have us believe, publishing the results of a survey that found that the trait most desired by men seeking a woman was "taking care of our home." The top trait that women are looking for is "listens to what I say," followed by "financial stability."This is hard to square with the way we are actually living our lives these days, and some of the stats are just laughable (do a quarter of women really look for a green thumb when they select a mate?). But what do you expect from the paper that brought us the dumbest story of 2008?
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Wednesday, September 03, 2008
On Parenting, Sarah Palin and Dads
You can't contribute to a parenting column like On Parenting and *not* talk about Sarah Palin, so Stacey Garfinkle and I teed up the subject today. I took the position that no discussion of whether her parenting responsibilites will intefere with her ability to do her job was appropriate:I'm scared because it makes the dangerous assumption that a parent cannot remain fully engaged in both family and professional life. I believe you can find work-life balance no matter what your responsibilities may be. That balance may not look like "equally shared parenting." It may not look like my life, or yours, but there is no doubt in my mind that you can be an effective parent and a go-to-work parent.But the element that I didn't explore is the curious case of Palin's husband, who would -- it seems almost entirely likely -- end up doing the stay-at-home dad thing if his wife ends up in the Naval Observatory. There is next to no discussion of what his life would look like in Washington, five children in tow. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe no one cares. I still think it's weird that no one is talking about it.
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Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Thanks + More on Dads and Daughters
1. Thanks to Eric and Shawn from the local dad's group here in Champaign for hanging out last week. Nice to meet some of the guys. And if you're also here in central Illinois and not a part of ECI Dads, then surf on over to the Yahoo group.2. Joe Kelly of Dads and Daughters was nice enough to comment on my post last week about the group shutting down, but it's worth reprinting here:Fellas:Thank you very much for your very kind words and your good wishes for what's next for me.Well, I will continue to devote myself to promote progressive fathering and stepfathering. I want to continue being of service to you and others as we fight that good fight.Some folks have asked what they can do to help; I’ve taken the liberty of making a few suggestions:
- Please tell friends, colleagues and other networks about my Future of Fatherhood website (www.futureoffatherhood.com) and the expertise I offer on progressive fathering, stepfathering, girls’ issues, and helping agencies and organizations better serve—and better use—fathers.
- Recommend me to organizations, institutions, associations, colleges, schools and others who might be interested in—or persuaded to be interested in—hiring me to speak to their constituencies and/or provide in-service training to staffs on how to mobilize & utilize fathers as a resource in their work.
- Pass along opportunities you think might be a good fit for me. For example, you may know of an advocacy organization or university interested in hosting something like a research and advocacy Center on the Future of Fatherhood as a base for progressive fatherhood, leveraging me and my years of knowledge & expertise on fathering issues and the dad-daughter relationship.
- Pass along suggestions for opportunities which I haven’t listed here—because they haven’t occurred to me!
- My new personal website, www.futureoffatherhood.com (being rebuilt & enhanced as I write) is an excellent place to refer people—including those interested in father-daughter relationships. It has:
- Information about my Presentations, Resources, Books & Consulting
- Materials from my Dads & Daughters® books, articles and tips—including poplar items from the DADs website.
Thanks so much for your support and ideas as I help carry the work forward. As always, please let me know if I can be of service to you now or in the future.
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Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Two Funny Videos. (But Only One Intentional Funny One)
This has been flying around the internets for the last week, and it is -- without a doubt -- the best at-home-dad related music video of all time. If you haven't seen it, you really must.
Of course, John Lajoie, the hard-rocking AHD, was trying to be amusing. Not so much with John Hagee, who has apparently added stay-at-home dads to the long list of folks he is intolerant of. Given that it is really, really hard to take him seriously, this qualifies as humor:
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Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Dads and Daughters Shuts Down
Pretty much any involved dad with daughters has been aware, in some shape or form, of the outstanding advocacy group Dads and Daughters. Dads and Daughters has -- as long as I've been a parent -- been a fantastic advocate on a huge number of issues, helping families use the unique power of the father-daughter bond to strengthen relationships and raise strong, confident women.
So it is with great sadness that the group has announced it is shutting its door for lack of money:Despite our success, we have not raised the funds needed for our work. The reason that DADs must close may be the same reason that DADs needs to exist: the importance of fathers and stepfathers in the lives of daughters is little valued by our culture.Directly and indirectly, Dads and Daughters has ushered in a new age in which society has begun to recognize the importance of fathers as parents, and it's a shame that they'll have to close their doors. I wish Joe Kelly, who founded the group, the best of luck in his next endeavor.
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Monday, August 25, 2008
Patience, Patience: "The Daddy Shift" Book Coming for Father's Day
So you want to know all about modern dads, but you're too impatient to wait until Father's Day 2010 for the exceptional-looking Evolution of Dad documentary? Good news! Fantastic and thoughtful blogger Jeremy Adam Smith from Daddy Dialectic just announced that his book will be out for Father's Day 2009.
It's called The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Fathers, Breadwinning Mothers, and Shared Parenting are Transforming the Twenty-First-Century Family, and I'll be lining up, Harry Potter-style, to get my hands on it.
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Sunday, August 24, 2008
A Thank-You to Chambana Folks
I really am settled now, so I would love to personally thank those who posted, e-mailed, Facebooked, etc. to give me the skinny on a part of the country that has given the world a whole bunch of Nobel laureates, the 2003 Miss America and REO Speedwagon.
I'll be at Bentley's Pub at around 8 p.m. on Thursday. Let me know if you can stop by: rebeldad@gmail.com.
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Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I'm Going to be a Million Man Marcher
I was registering the big one for her new elementary school the other day, and I received a flier about the "Million Man March" on the first day of school. This was all new to me -- the only Million Man March that was really in my consciousness was the famous one in 1995.
But the new iteration of the march is an effort by the Black Star Project to get dads to take their children to school on the first day. It's explicitly aimed at black dads, but I think it's a great idea no matter what your race (my school district presented it as a race-neutral thing). The more dads are integrated into the life of their kid's school and the more than dads see each other in the hallways, the more we can normalize the idea of fathers as a substantial part of the education of their children.
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Monday, August 18, 2008
Now is the Time to Register for the Convention
The At-Home Dad Convention is headed to Sacramento this year (Nov. 8), and registration is now open. It's $85 now, $95 after October 1.
If you want to live it up, you can make it a three-day deal, including events Thursday, Friday and Saturday evening. The main event is Saturday, and will feature sessions on everything from financial planning to hair braiding to the research of Aaron Rochlen.
If you've been before, you don't need a sales job from me. If you're an at-home dad and you haven't gone, it's well worth the trip.
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Friday, August 15, 2008
When it Comes to SAHDs, There is Hard Core and There is HARD CORE
I've met some great at-home dads who have bunches of kids, but I don't think I've ever met one with nine. For the record, numbers four through eight were quadruplets and number nine was an oops. The guy, Dennis Ross, seems perfectly happy with the full nest. Hey, to each his own.
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Thursday, August 14, 2008
AdWeek Asks Why Marketers Are *Still* Ignoring Guys
If there is only one article you read this year about the changing face of masculinity (and, to a lesser extent, fatherhood), make it AdWeek's brilliant "Man of the House," which pulls together a mountain of statistics that suggest that were doing more of the cooking, cleaning and childrearing than ever before. Here are some of the best stats from the piece:But the big question still goes unanswered, despite heaps of reporting: why are guys still more or less ignored by Madison Avenue? There are no satisfying answers. My hope is that the slick New York hotshots who drive the advertising business are just a few years behind the time, and that we're on the verge of being demographic darlings.
- "The portion of housework done by men in couples has doubled, with men who once performed 15 percent of the housework now doing 30 percent"
- "Men have also tripled the amount of childcare they do since the 1960s"
- "more men than ever are preparing dinner -- 18 percent of dinners in 2007, compared to 14 percent in 2003" (I know, 18 percent isn't a huge number. But a 30 percent rise in 4 years is amazing.)
- "A BIGresearch survey in June that asked consumers what products they buy at least once a month found men trailing only slightly behind women in a number of categories, including household cleaning products (54 percent vs. 56 percent, respectively), dairy products including milk (88 percent vs. 93 percent) and baby products (13 percent vs. 14 percent); for laundry products, men tied women, with 53 percent."
- "A study for Edelman conducted by StrategyOne, "Pride in My Home: A Perspective From Today's Men," found that among men who live alone or in a couple (opposite- or same-sex), 76 percent reported being primarily or partly responsible for buying groceries, and 63 percent reported being primarily or partly responsible for purchasing both cleaning products and laundry supplies."
(Greg Allen from daddytypes.com -- who has some great quotes in the piece -- warns that we should all enjoy our anonymity while it lasts. Being ignored might be better than being defined by the advertising industry.)
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You Gotta Fight ... For Your Right ... to Vacation
So I spent some time this week looking at the 2008-2009 school calendar, trying to figure out how to sync up the days off and breaks with my nearly exhausted company vacation time. And I'm one of the lucky ones who actually gets paid vacation.
All of this is a roundabout way of saying that I support Take Back Your Time's newest effort: right2vacation.org. Because a little (more) vacation never hurt anyone.
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I'm Back. For Real This Time.
Clearly, I'm not so good at transitions, but you have my word that you'll be getting close to daily posts again. To make it up to everyone, I'm planning for beers in Champaign in the next couple of weeks. Stay tuned.
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Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Babble Says the Days of Equal Parenting Are Upon Us (More or Less)
My opinion on whether involved fatherhood has passed the tipping point or not fluctuates by the day, but hats off to Babble, which ran a piece title "10 Signs that Parenting is More Equal than it Used to Be."
The problem for me is that "More Equal than it Used to Be" is not a particularly impressive bar to clear. There's no doubt that all of the 10 trends are real (more changing tables in men's rooms, more guys taking paternity leave, more at-home dads), but the real question is whether the needle has been moved enough to really make a difference.
(Yes, I know that this was posted more than a month ago, but bear with me. I'm playing catchup.)
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Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Back and Wired and Thinking About DadBloggerCon
OK. I have survived the longest move of my life (to date). I have survived Comcast's installation of my cable internet (barely). Now it's back to business as usual (sort of).
My first act as a new Illinois resident will be to put my full weight behind Paul Nyhan's dadblogger mini-conference idea. Especially if there is beer.
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Monday, July 28, 2008
No Dads Sipping the Java at CafeMom.com?
Reader Chris e-mailed the other day to see if I've been following CafeMom.com, which has been selling itself for a while with the just-us-gals slogan "No men, no kids." Chris wasn't entirely happy with being barred from what appears to be a successful online community for parents.
While I think it is absolutely silly that a site would take pains to exclude otherwise-capable parents who could add a useful perspective, I'm not all that worked up about CafeMom.com. It's their loss.
What is more bothersome is that Chris learned about the site in the first place by a card that came with his latest batch of Pampers. I've said before (because Pampers has a recurrent problem with this) that if Pampers is serious about moving more diapers, they're going to have to acknowledge at some point that dads make up a growing percentage of nappy-buyers. Partnering with a site that excludes half of the potential market ain't smart.
** CAVEAT: For what it's worth, I can't find any explicit no-dads-allowed language based on my quick zip through the site. Anyone know if that's a recent development?
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Monday, July 21, 2008
A Facebook Posse?
Apparently, the RebelDad tendrils now stretch to Facebook. I've been there for a while, but Tom Vasquez was nice enough to set up a Facebook blog network for RebelDad. Not entirely certain what to do with it, but it's there if you want to visit ...
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Sunday, July 20, 2008
A Quick Note on my Whereabouts
As you've no doubt noticed, I have pretty much fallen off of the radar this month. I started July by taking the longest non-holiday-related family vacation in the seven years I've been a parent -- a full seven days.
While on vacation, we received excellent news. RebelMom was offered an extraordinary opportunity at the University of Illinois' law school, and we immediately began plans to move.
The length of time from when we found out about the job to when we will arrive in Champaign, IL will be exactly one month. I know people have moved farther in less time, but this is all new to me. I've maintained my professional responsibilities, but almost everything else has suffered as we've gone through the process of renting our house in DC, renting a new place in Illinois, finding schools, transferring medical records, meeting with movers, etc. etc.
I won't say that I'll be back to my usual posting volume immediately (there are some personal obligations and work obligations that will combine to make the next four days or so cuckoo), I will start rolling out the posts back out. Thanks for your patience.
-- Brian
P.S. Thanks to all who have been so generous with your time in telling me about my new hometown. I look forward to meeting all of you Champaigners in the next month or two, and if someone could suggest a good bar for such a get-together, I'm all ears. I'm sure I'll need a drink -- and some company -- by then.
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